Excema

It's really hard living with a skin disease. I've always had this itchy skin disorder. Sometimes my whole body has been in great pain. The red, itchy, inflamed skin is hard to cope with, and I think it makes a person very emotional and if not, a little self-obsessed, which you have to be if you have a cronic skin disorder. I've always wanted to be perfect. And tonight, again, I'll get all the creams out and I'll slap the stuff all over my body. Sometimes I think it was just bad programming. I now come to believe that my Mother was O.C.D and hated anything wrong with me that was visible. I think it's hard when your child has rashes all over their body. To go with the ploblem there's also the sleepless nights, due to itching. I've been told that I was hyper-active when I was little. I was also told that the doctor prescribed me drugs to help me sleep, which never worked in the end. I believe it (I) was really hard work for my Mother. Later in life I became addicted to many drugs, which I have now stopped taking. It takes time to get used to the change, and my skin suffers from all the stress involved. My Excema always gets worse when I'm stressed, or when I have some inner conflict of emotion. Some days I hate myself. I find it really hard dealing with emotion and feelings, even anger! When you're told, when young, not to show your emotions, it really has a adverse effect on you when in adult life. Plus, I've seen and been involved in lots of terrible, horrific stuff, that I guess this too has affected me greatly. The World of drugs was not a nice place, and in the 80's and 90's it was a scary place to be around, especially when people are killed and dieing all around you.