Alright tonight...

I'll give a more detailed description of my daily skin routines. I always have to keep my skin moisturised, and that's every day. I think it's a bit of a psychological struggle sometimes, with what I was programmed with as a child, I'm not sure?Imprints of the mind!!!

Essay due...

Today my skin's feeling o.k. I don't have the usual red, blotchy, and itchy face that I normally get whilst I'm writing essays. I just have to get on with things. I'm heading north, just for a couple of days, for Chrismas. This is a time when I normally get stressed out. I hate all the consume and the Capitalists money making simulation of Christmas. It just seems very fake. I just think it's great that the kids love it, even though they are gettin' conditioned into a consumer society, and being exploited. It's a shame! Why can't we be loving to each other all the time? Why should it be special at Christmas? The birth of Christ. What has that got to do with Christmas? I'll tell you. It's only the Christ in Christmas, and even this has been turned into an X. Feel free, if you can, and be loving to someone you know. Tell someone you love them!

Today

Today my skin has been much calmer. Maybe it's good that I write about my feelings? I still have red patches of skin on different parts of my body, and they do itch, but I can put up with that today. I get self-obsessed most days about the way I look. I feel I've aged pretty much since I've come of all the drugs that I was using, and my skin is very dry most of the time and needs daily moisterising. I guess the stress of having, ( wanting ) to detox, and living without medication, did give my body a bit of a shock. Some days I suffer from anxiety and scratch myself that hard that my skin bleeds. It's really stressful when my face gets affected with Excema. I just want to hide away when things get that bad. It usually happens when I suffer from anxiety, or when I fear something and have some sort of internal conflict. But today I feel o.k, and yes, I can live with my skin problem. I have to.

My Skin

Another side of my life- http://www.myskinproblem.blogspot.com

Excema

It's really hard living with a skin disease. I've always had this itchy skin disorder. Sometimes my whole body has been in great pain. The red, itchy, inflamed skin is hard to cope with, and I think it makes a person very emotional and if not, a little self-obsessed, which you have to be if you have a cronic skin disorder. I've always wanted to be perfect. And tonight, again, I'll get all the creams out and I'll slap the stuff all over my body. Sometimes I think it was just bad programming. I now come to believe that my Mother was O.C.D and hated anything wrong with me that was visible. I think it's hard when your child has rashes all over their body. To go with the ploblem there's also the sleepless nights, due to itching. I've been told that I was hyper-active when I was little. I was also told that the doctor prescribed me drugs to help me sleep, which never worked in the end. I believe it (I) was really hard work for my Mother. Later in life I became addicted to many drugs, which I have now stopped taking. It takes time to get used to the change, and my skin suffers from all the stress involved. My Excema always gets worse when I'm stressed, or when I have some inner conflict of emotion. Some days I hate myself. I find it really hard dealing with emotion and feelings, even anger! When you're told, when young, not to show your emotions, it really has a adverse effect on you when in adult life. Plus, I've seen and been involved in lots of terrible, horrific stuff, that I guess this too has affected me greatly. The World of drugs was not a nice place, and in the 80's and 90's it was a scary place to be around, especially when people are killed and dieing all around you.